Not Good

Both fibro and Sjogren’s work in cycles. The bad part of the cycle is a flare. It’s where everything bad does just that, flares up. I have been enjoying a fairly flare free spring. The biggest problem with flares is that when you’re not in one, you aren’t thinking of being in one. And you forget the signs and warnings. And then you wake up one morning and it’s quite like getting sick all over again. It’s amazing how we adapt. My best is about 30% of normal functioning. And flares kick that down to 5-10%. And everytime you’re thinking how 30% is “normal” and you’re frustrated that you can’t get back to that. I suppose it’s a good thing, otherwise in every flare you’d feel the 90% loss as opposed to the 20%. Little positives, eh?

Flares are a combination of pushing yourself too hard and disease activity. They are not fun. They are especially very badly timed. I will be a sad bunny indeed if this current funk a) turns into a flare (sometimes you can just have bad days as opposed to bad weeks or months) and b) lasts until the Duran Duran concert. So it’s strictly R&R for the next week or so and maybe that will help. Another positive is that it means some knitting might actually get done.

WIP Smackdown status:

• Sahara: frogged. String bag 1 in progress with yarn.
• Shetland Triangle: Up to repeat 6 on the body lace. Seems to be going stupidly fast. Why did I forget I liked lace again? Oh right, laceweight on tiny needles hurts. Fingering weight on bigger needles = yay.
• Favorite Yoke Pullover: Yeah. A sweater. On 3.25mm needles. If this is done by Christmas, I will be satisfied.
• Quill Lace Socks: Sock 1 done and already claimed.

Thing I Want To Knit Next:

• I want to get back to the Sock Rainbow, I’m up to orange.
• Lace Ribbon Scarf.
• EZ Fair Isle Cardigan. Fair isle and steeking though. Eek.

Pretty Pictures:

A local village cemetary:

The Rose Cottage (as promised), even more rose-iful:

And Winchester University:

I love that last one in particular because it is a rarity that you see mid-century architecture in this country. Or at least, outside of London. Not the least of which because the architecture movements were so different in this country. In the 1920s we had Art Deco. The biggest design movement of the 20s here seems to have been Mock Tudor. Southern California is just full of awesome mid-century houses. In this town it’s all 1970s brick barrack looking houses. However, England wins at cathedral construction. Crystal Cathedral is just scary in comparison.

Flickr set here.

And that’s the news from the architecture geek. Hope you’re having a good Monday.

 

Something Like

This morning has been crazy (not busy, just mental as all get out), I haven’t knit for three days and it’s beginning to show and the long dig in the boxes in the attic to find my camera discs turned out ok but the printer disc dislikes both my computer and Mr F’s. So today we’re unsure if we just want to sit here or if going out somewhere like Wilton would be good. It is a lovely day. Oh, also? We’ve been up since 7am. For why?

And now my last post for May.

I have always been fascinated with the idea of living life out loud. When you really think about it, what does that mean? I think it means taking your life from Kansas black and white (well, sepia really) and to technicolor Oz. I bet everyone who knows at least one person who lives their life that way. They’re vibrant, alive, technicolor sparks. They are inspiring beacons, great friends and do tend to highlight how out loud you’re not living. Next to them we might feel pale and uninspiring. Maybe we’re comfortable that way. Maybe we’re not.

I am not. I don’t know if I have the ability or patience to be like those people I know who are sparks. I am aiming more for a subtle glimmer. But even that is hard, I admit. Remember the nail that gets hammered down? I bet they were sparkley.

So what of it? Well part of my idea of living out loud is being comfortable with who I am. Which I am, mostly. On the inside. And being comfortable with what I look like? Well, no. Certain things are controllable, certain things are made more difficult because of my health. And some things I just cannot get away from.

The urge is if I happen to get my face in a picture, to tear them apart. Point out double chins, badly plucked eyebrows, crooked nose (it’s been broken twice), stupid smiles. But I can do that by looking in the mirror, I don’t need everyone else doing it to. My life so far shows on my face. There’s some rounded joy and some rather jagged fear and pain. It’s the way I look out into the world, it’s what people in my life look at. If they are perceptive they will recognize that today the circles around my eyes are dark and I am pale. I look tired. I look worn out. But how would you know? I take care to keep my face hidden.

(You know what’s coming, right?)

This one is my evil ninja face, obviously.

Julie had this great idea of doing weekly self portraits and once I get my hands on a remote that doesn’t constantly die, I might join in. Or join Project 365. Or something.

What does living out loud mean to you?

Today’s Blogs:

Domesticrafts: It’s the photography and the cats and the knitting. Go see, you’ll see what I mean.

Yarn Harlot: It’s the Yarn Harlot. Need I say more?

So it’s the end of May. I’ve posted everyday for a month. It’s taught me a lot and hopefully you’ve enjoyed it. Thank you for reading and commenting this month and every month.

 

Happy Halloween

I have always thought of autumn as the beginning of the year, never the middle of bleeding winter. When I learned that there was a culture which considered Halloween (Samhain) to be the new year, I worked it into my own practice. It fits much better. The calendars may change over on January 1st, but for me, the new year begins today. Besides, isn’t Halloween a much more fun holiday than an insanely priced prix fixe dinner, traffic, overpriced champagne and loud drunk people? I think so.

Like most people on the new year, I make resolutions. Only these aren’t the type that are typically made and typically cast aside within a few weeks of January. They aren’t the sort of resolutions I was always used to making either. I’m not going to give up chocolate or caffeine or lose ten pounds or anything like that. What I’m going to do is address who I am and who I will become in the following year. Come next Halloween, I will look back and find that these original resolutions have changed as I have changed and in one way or another, I have kept them all.

So my resolutions for this coming year are as follows:

1. Be grateful for the good stuff. And verbalize it.

2. Be honest. No more belittling talent, self or positive things out of some extremely skewed sense of guilt. (Or whatever is behind it). I’m guessing it’s some sort of feminine programed response.

3. Stop the negativity. No more introducing it, dwelling in it, or spreading it. Kvetching may be socially acceptable but it’s no longer acceptable to me.

4. Don’t hide. Light under a bushel and all that.

5. Happiness is a birthright. It is allowed and encouraged. Being happy is what I am supposed to do.

6. Cultivate beauty. Write, photograph, make beautiful jewelry.

7. Release responsibility for those things and people I am not responsible for.

8. Be awesome.

Eight seemed a good round number. And given the content, I think eight is enough to be getting on with.

So Happy Halloween and Happy New Year. May it be the best one yet.

 

Knitting and Fashion

Inspired by these posts here, here and here on Bits and Bobbins, I cleaned out my closet yesterday. Further inspired by the same posts to make an inspiration board but unwilling to shell out £20 for fashion magazines, I turned to Flickr to find inspiration. I’m quite new to Flickr, getting an account only because of Ravelry. But I’m a convert now, I love it!

 

1. GOD vs. BUDDHA., 2. Meditation, 3. Lost, 4. during the monsoon, mandalay, 5. The Goddess of Mercy, 6. light, 7. The return, 8. Wat Arun at Sunset, 9. 05.2007 spread the light, 10. Persephone, 11. pale pink spectacles, 12. Ice-laden bridge, 13. dec17, 14. Ratty’s new dress, 15. little green, 16. esjan..clothed in a cloud..1, 17. “With Quiet Words I’ll Lead You In”, 18. stretching stripes, 19. Ooh La, 20. Ophelia - Clothes spread wide, 21. mar5, 22. drawn to it like a moth, well, ya know, 23. trashing the dress part 3., 24. dancing on the bed, 25. a chronicle of obsessions

Considering my favorites as a sort of inspiration board, I can safely (and quite triumphantly) say that my sense of style features clean lines, clear bright colors, unexpected detail and a hint of darkness. My closet and drawers now reflect the backbone of such a style ideal. I need more bright colors, more unexpectedness and a few things to fulfill the darkness requirement. I look forward to aquiring these things with a clear focus in mind.It was when I turned to my Ravelry queue that I had the thought which prompted this post. My knitting does not fit that style aesthetic. Indeed, it’s usually got curves instead of clean lines, a muddled fit depending on the thickness of the garment and is warm and inviting. I knit sweaters I want to curl up in. Scarves that are bright to cheer up a drear English day. Socks that are insanely colored and don’t usually go with anything else I am wearing. My knitting and my style don’t mix. As for knitting fashions, they are disposable trends, just like everything else. Last year it was bulky knits. This year it’s something else entirely. I’m not about to knit fashionable pieces because unless they are super bulky knits, I’ll be putting far too much effort into something that is so disposable.

Knitting is not a disposable act, I know. But if knitting is not fashionable and it does not necessarily fit a person’s style, does that mean that knitting is done for the sake of knitting or for the sake of comfort? I’m not going to get dolled up everyday in any sort of style. Because of my health I’m more housebound than I’d like. My knitting is almost exclusively for wearing out. Not for schlumping around the house in. When I knit a garment I envision it in it’s natural habitat, if you will. Wicked is for late autumn evenings at coffee shops paired with jeans and lively conversation. Forecast is a spring garment for frolicking in the still young sun. I follow the idea of form AND function so the few things that I have knit that are everyday functional (with respect to seasonal changes) are also beautiful.

I sometimes worry I’ll run out of things to knit. I’m a bit utilitarian when it comes to fashion, why buy 30 pairs of jeans when two serve me just fine. I am extravagant when it comes to knitting. Maybe that’s the reason I like it. It’s not simple, quick, servicable or disposable. Nor is it fashionable. But there’s a luxury to it. Although it can seem anything less than luxurious when you’re stuck on sleeve island (like I am now) or driving yourself mad with some complex technique.

On the other hand, I might just have a serious yarn addiction.